Debut: The Lost Ring
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I have not written for goodness knows how long. But I just thought IÂ’d share a very simple composition I wrote in secondary 3 that I have managed to dig out.
Lost the electronic version when my hard disk got wiped out last year, but thank God for good old-fashioned printed copy, here it is again, in glorious bytes, with minor modifications for readability.
Hope you all like it!
Regards,
Paul Mah.
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The Lost Ring
Paul Mah, 1994
I arrived home slightly later that day. One of the traffic-control units en-route have chanced upon this particular moment to go on one of its rare breakdowns. To this end, I was obliged to wait a full fifteen minutes in my functional but small hover-car as the repair bots flew in to rectify the malfunction.
Traffic resumed its normal flow swiftly after and the hover-car was in the garage of my modest semi-detached minutes later. Elena was waiting for me at the doorway. Silently, we embraced.
“You’re late.” She accused me, a hint of concern in her voice.
“Yes. Traffic-control broke down.” I said as I removed my coat. “Left me stuck on the road for almost a quarter of an hour.”
“You could have at least given me a call!”
“Sorry dear, the matter slipped my mind.” I turned and gave her a peck on the cheek. As I drew away, I thought I saw something in her eyes. Her pupils were dilated and one of her ‘mini-frowns’ that I have grown to recognise was ceasing her countenance.
“Paul?”
“Yes, anything wrong?”
“The ring. My wedding ring – I couldn’t find it. But I could swear I left it beside the video-phone just this morning!” She said.
“You’ve misplaced it?” I said sharply. The ring was an expensive one and we weren’t exactly very well-off either.
“I’m sorry.” Elena lowered her gaze as she bit her wavering lower lips.
Her unconscious gesture melted my heart.
“It’s all right.” I heard myself say. “We’re bound to stumble upon it sooner or later.”
Her radiant smile sent my spirits soaring.
*****
We were lying in bed after a feverish bout of lovemaking when she first told me about it.
“Paul.” She had something to tell me.
“Yes, dear?”
“Tell me, do you… do you believe in aliens?”
“Aliens?” I was incredulous.
“Yes. Aliens.”
“But why would you ask such a question?”
“Because… because I thought I saw one this afternoon.” There was a brief lapse. “It was… it was all green and slimy. It seemed to looking at me and then it just disappeared!” Elena blurted out.
“Now dear, you know jolly well that aliens don’t exist.” I chided her. “It must have been your imagination at work.”
She was silent for a moment. “Maybe.” She said, unconvinced.
I had trouble sleeping that night.
*****
I reached home in high spirits the next day. The manager was extremely pleased with m last piece of assignment and had even gone as far as to hint at a promotion. My elation could have been why I failed to notice that Elena was not waiting for me as usual by the door.
It was perhaps about five seconds after I entered the house that I became aware of the permeating silence. The house was far too quiet. And it was then that it struck me as to what was missing.
Elena has always been at home at this time the two years weÂ’ve been married. The thought seared through my synapses as I frantically searched for her.
“Elena!” I cried.
The kitchen was empty. So were the bedrooms, and the study, and backyard. She was nowhere to be found. Heart pounding savagely against my chest, I finally slumped onto a sofa in the living room. Where could she be?
The impulse came and I did nothing to restrain it. I walked to the videophone and got it to dial the police. The young constable who answered was extremely police but informed me that a missing-person report can only be filed after twenty-four hours.
Reluctantly, I deactivated the unit. And my glance fell upon something shiny beside the videophone. With a trembling hand, I reached out for it. It was the wedding ring.
Except that there was something else – covering most of the ornament was a foul-smelling and green-coloured slime that oozed from between my fingers.
And I knew that I have lost Elena forever.
[This message has been edited by PaulMah (edited 03 April 2000).] -
May I?
Dreaming My Dreams
“Treading on my dreams, stop treading on my dreams…”
I’d always known it had to end that way, even before it started. I looked at him in the eyes and told him “It’s over, I don’t have any feelings for you anymore.” He looked at me, trying to decipher the signs in my eyes.
“Why.”
“I just lost it.”
“I see.”
It was more difficult than usual to see the hurt in his eyes. If I hadn’t been in such situations before I might not be able to see the pain hiding behind his sudden fiddling with his suit and blind smile. I strangled back a sob when it was just a little more than a thought. “Good bye, Ciao Lim.” He didn’t answered. He brushed past me and left my life forever. I looked towards the ceiling to seek approval from my inner voice. There was none, I was alone.
It might be hard to sympathize with me. After all, I pick men up and love them hard and drop them without any reasons. Will it be easier for you if I tell you that my heart asks for it? It is my heart, my gentle yet fickle heart. I have to follow her whims, else she will be broken. Have you ever seen a broken heart? Have you ever seen a bird with a broken wing? ItÂ’s pathetic, itÂ’s the end. My heart is a confused young girl, please donÂ’t blame her.
My heart said, “I am lonely. Help me.”
He sat across my table with his friend. The close proximity couldn’t hide his excited whispers to the latter. I looked up, met his eyes, cast my eyes downwards, apparently bashful. I did not look at Andy –that was his name- again. Their conversation grew louder as he tried to get my attention back. Finally he cleared his throat. I kept my eyes to my food. He did it again, louder now and then again, unnaturally loud. I looked up and flashed him an amused smile. He smiled back, I resumed my coy act. He seemed younger than I was by two or three years. If my age were 30 over the difference percentage would be low but I was but twenty then. I could tell the shy girl approach had worked. He made more noises and I looked at him questioningly.
“Can we join you?”
A smile. “Sure.”
That was easy.
My heart said, “I think I’m in love.”
The card was perfect. It had a large heart with bright, unabashed colors. I took it to the cashier to pay for it. He had sent me cards from his country and all of them had told me I was gorgeous or I was missed or I was amazing, angel, goddess, dream woman. Oh, those cards did lift me up from my foulest mood and I was amazed by his ability to see the best qualities in me. I was a moody person and when the unhappy mechanism was triggered it would be a downward spiral all the way. He threw the lifeline from another continent. Gavin was constant, appreciative, sweet, generous, funny and most importantly in love with me. His unending faith in me strengthened me and I vowed to make things better for him. He’d be the happiest man on Earth with me. I wrote on the card “Why don’t we go to Thailand together on December?”
My heart said, “He doesn’t love me.”
I paced the floor of my bedroom waiting for Sean to call back. Usually he’s still up at 3 a.m. so why wasn’t he answering my call? I glanced at the clock yet again and walked purposefully towards the telephone. I lifted the cradle and punched the number I’d punched many times before. His greeting message created an aching recollection of yet another moment calling without receiving any answer. I put back the phone without leaving any message. A comb caught my eyes. I took it and hurled the object to the wall. I hurled my body too onto the bed, broke down and cried. Angry tears punctuated with painful sobs flowed unencumbered to my cheeks and to the pillow to join their frozen predecessors. “He doesn’t love me. Where the hell is he! You dumb, dumb, stupid idiotic girl. I hate you!”
My heart said, “Oops.”
“Hi.”
“Hi, how was your day?”
“Fine. You called me yesterday? I am sorry, I was sleeping.”
“Oh, that’s alright. I just thought you were still awake. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too. But I’ll see you on Saturday.”
“Ah, Saturday. What about me cooking for us, do you have any food in mind?”
“You’re cooking? That’s great. What about those Japanese stuff you whipped out for your cousin’s birthday, those were swell.”
“Okay, but they take forever to cook. You’ll have to reward me for that.”
“A reward? What kind of reward?”
“I want one hundred.”
“One hundred what, roses?”
“No. Kisses.”
“That’s not a problem. I love kissing you.”
“I love kissing you, too. You’re delicious. I love you.”
“And you’re sweet. I love you, too.”
My heart said, “I can’t take this anymore.”
Fine. He didn’t have time for me but night after night he went to eat with his friends. I meanwhile dropped everything I was doing if he so much called. I was so happy whenever I saw him. I guess he couldn’t say the same. Fine. Ungrateful wretch. If you only knew, there was a time I would do anything for you. Oh, how could I let you walked all over me like that. I wasn’t going to take that crap from him anymore. I scribbled with rough hand on the diary “GO TO HELL”. I took the book I was going to give him for his birthday and tore it to pieces. Like a magnet the vase containing his Valentine’s Day bouquet drew my eyes. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to. Tears blinded my sight but fury was like acid corroding my brain. I screamed. I took the vase by its neck and threw it to the far wall.
My heart said “Now.”
”Hi. This is me. I don’t think we should see each other again. Don’t bother calling anymore.”
I hung up, waiting for my heart to clap.
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Why be difficult when with a little more effort you can be impossible? -
Fat
On board the train
The young man looked around in boredom. Then he saw her. Ugh, he thought to himself, what an oaf! Fat, the whole of her was fat. Her face was bloated and round, her forearms were the size of his ex-girlfriendÂ’s thigh without the smoothness of the latter. These two huge appendices stuck out of a nondescript floral dress that covered her down to her knees. The legs, oh god, he groaned inwardly, were sickeningly enormous. She seemed to be asleep, her eyes were half-closed and her head lolled to her side. He continued staring at her for a while, wishing that there were a law against such eyesores. After a while he had enough and turned the other way to read his neighbourÂ’s newspaper.
Through her half-closed eyes she could see him observing her. She saw his cringes and the disgust apparent in his expression. Her gaze shifted to the trainÂ’s window unimpressed, unconcerned. She had seen so many of his kind around and she knew that that meant nothing. How many of them had wished that she would simply disappear but she was still around. Her eyes shifted to look at her toes, peeking uninspiringly behind the black thongs. TheyÂ’re fat and ugly. Like me, she thought without humour, like me.
At home
The plate of chicken rice steamed in front of her. It looked nauseating and thrilling at the same time. She had had two plates of fried noodle just now and she was not hungry, not at all. But the rice was ready and it could not be thrown away. She spooned the rice and stuffed the food inside her mouth. It tasted nice, but it did not evoke any emotion. No excitement, no joy, no gratefulness, nothing. She chewed and swallowed and took another spoonful. Maybe if she threw enough food in, the emptiness gaping inside her heart would be filled, too. Maybe if she swallowed more food, she would feel so sick she would not feel this disappointment anymore. Spoonful by spoonful, the rice was completely transferred into her stomach now; entertainmentÂ’s over, nothing else to look forward to, nothing to enjoy. She shuffled to her bed, lay down and fought for the blissful unconsciousness of sleep.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are
always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
--Bertrand Russell
[This message has been edited by MayaJade (edited 15 April 2000).] -
Here's to Maya......
The rain hammers down on the window pane, each drop an icicle piercing to the depths of his soul. Lightning temporarily engulfs the room. On the bed, staring at the ceiling, muddled thoughts riles through his troubled mind.
It began so innocently. A slip on an icy patch, an automatic getsure to help her up. Thankful for the assitance, she gives him a breathtaking smile. Caught up in her smile, he stutters concern," Ar-r-r-e you ok-k-ay?" Amused at his self-consciousness, she cheekily replies," Of course! Without you, I'd be helpless as an overturned turtle!" A blush florished on his cheeks. From there, he got to know her name. Renae. Uniqueness on its own. He realised she was a model of beauty. Sparkling eyes accentuated her bright smile, with long flowing hair that fluttered in a breeze. An image of a goddess.
A year passed, a blink of an eye. Yet so many memories! Holding hands in the park just enjoying the scenery. Sitting together at the beach watching the sun go down; Renae getting her driving license, so happy! The gasp of surprise when she saw what he got her for her 21st birthday; a giant teddy bear wrapped in many elaborate ribbons and cotton wool. He cried as all these and so many more memories flow through him again and again. So happy yet now so painful.
Tears roll down his cheek and he grabs his pillow in a death grip as another bout of pain awashes him. Flashback to yesterday... ....
"Hello Renae? I'll be meeting you later, okay? Got some projects to finish up on.Say 7:30 p.m.?"
"Okay! I'll be at Mac's in Clementi waiting for you, darling!"
--7:00 p.m--
A heavy downpour greets him as he steps out of the library. "Damn! I can hardly see further than the bus stop from here!", he mutters. Bracing himself from the needle like water projectiles, he was just about to dash across the carpark to the busstop when he hears his name being called......
He looks up,
Renae!
A wave from her.
She dashes across the road.
Umbrella turns inside out.
She looks up.
Stops.
Lights illuminate her.
A frantic horn.
Eyes wide, she turns to the right.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
She doesn't move as the car hits her directly. Flung like a rag doll to the side of the road, she lies still as the rain mercilessly beats down on her. He rushes to her side, throwing caution to the wind. Sobbing and moaning he cradles her on his lap. "Renae, oh God, Renae. Please, don't leave me. Please. I-I, please, oh God, oh God..."
Her eyes flutter open, tears drop down on his hand. "I am so... sorry, that's me.... so impulsive... you always said ..... I should... think.. before I act... I am so sorry... I love you, my one .... and only..........."
She grows limp in his arms. He lets out a guttral howl of agony. "NOOO!!!!! Renae! Don't leave me!!! I love you so much! Please...... please....." Crying.. tears, pain, agony, loss......
"Why? Why? Why not me........." He wimpers and sobs as he slips into yet another bout of troubled sleep. -
Gee, u guys are really good...
too bad i hate reading though
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The mystery of Heaven revealed...
-3NiGMA- -
wow, enigma, why do you keep doing things you hate?
