Ghost by Emily Sailers
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There's a letter on the desktop that I dug out
of a drawer the last truce we ever came to
from our adolescent war and I start to feel a fever
from the warm air through the screen
You come regular like seasons shadowing in my dreams
and the mississipi's mighty but it starts in minnesota
at a place where you could walk across with five steps down
and I guess that's how you started
Like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me and I start to drown
and there's not enough room in this world for my pain
Signals cross and love gets lost and time passed makes it plain
I am in love with your ghost
Dark and dangerous like a secret that gets whispered in a hush
When I wake, the things I dream about you last night make me blush
When you kiss me like a lover, then you sting me like a viper
I go follow to the river play your memory like the piper
and I feel it like a sickness how this love is killing me
But I'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity I've never been this close in love with your ghost
Unknowing captor you'll never know how much you pierce my spirit
But I can't touch you, can you hear it?
a cry to be free or I am forever under lock and key
as you pass through me.
Now I see your face before me
I would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
As I burn up in your presence
and I know now how it feels
to be weakened like Achilles with you always at my heels
and my bitter pill to swallow is the silence that I keep
that poisons me I can't swim free
The river is too deep
though I'm baptized by your touch
I am no worse at most in love with your ghost.
- Emily Sailers -
This is a poem which I have read through many many times after losing 2 women in my life, and share precisely the same sentiments. We can never actually get over our past loves. We are often injuried by the wounds which hurt ourselves by the backlashes of love. The wounds might eventually heal, but the scars remain. Not many people are lucky in this search. I will share this piece of writing with those who bears a deep sentimentality to love. I posted this poem like 4 am in the morning (in UK) here where I lived, woke up by a dream where I have seen my ex-gf again. Dreams can be so powerful yet painful at times, especially where you can remember them vividly, and ponder which is real or which is not...
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Wonder wonder wonder ,ponder ponder ponder
Pain and love evolves just like it is a stab in the heart...You can't forget your love especially someone U know that she might be the one but the most important thing is when you love someone...U should try to visualise the happiness U are once had ever but have you wondered that she might be happier with her new love....Everyone has a pain somewhere hidden...deep...Really no one can escape this fatal reality...
If you are not going to to take out the stab out of your heart,it will continue to bleed slowly, and till one day you will realise that you will die not of misery but you have no more blood to bleed for someone you have lost....a ghost that is non-existent....
Stop eluding yourself and get out of the world of your own.But it is your life and you choose what you want...An advice fell on failing ears is not uncommon but remember there are ppl in the world who cares about existence and they want you to continue living like better before.....
You still have to wake up each morning telling yourself..."I am alive today..and I have to live it to the fullest.." -
Hi Rinoa,
Well, I am still living each day in the most beautiful and hopeful manner I can, but in a different way than before. Strange and perhaps ironic, when I wrote the reply to a post "Commit Suicide" placed by someone, I realized that you don't have to kill yourself after something painful and traumatic happened in your life. In reality, if you look closely to yourself, you realize that a part of you has already died, that very part of you which makes you believe that you still have it to find what you want in your life. "Ghost" is perhaps what I thought about my life now.. Just send off the 2 birthday cards to my 2 only ex-gfs (where their birthdays are on the same week) and I could feel concerned for them, wondering how they are doing.. Perhaps, they have already forgotten me or let their hearts taken away by someone else such that there is no part of me in their hearts.
Even so, at the end of today, they are ghosts in my heart and soul, but I would still say the same to myself : "They are gone, I am still alive, and so live."
Have a nice day. -
I wonder do you love both your gfs as deep? I mean if U do...how can you love your second gf if you have loved the first one so much...What if one day both them decides to come back to U..which would U choose?Is there space in your heart to have the existence of 2 woman or even 3 next time?Wonder....
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Dear Rinoa,
Well, it is an irrelevant question to ask what happens when they come back to my life, because I am very sure to tell you that they would not want to come back to me anymore. I loved my 1st ex-gf for she represent the ideal woman in my search, but she is too cynical and pessimistic. My 2nd ex-gf touched my heart, but I was able to compromise to stay with her all the way, even when I was far away. At first I thought that I might do something wrong, but in the end, she did. In any case, I just used a line from a forumite in his signature :
"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to fall in love with someone but it takes a lifetime to really forget someone whom you grown to love."
At least, I can say in both cases, I still loved them for the way they were in my heart. Sometimes, I wish that like you ever give me the hypothetical case that they would come back and what would I do. Then I realize that it is a waste of time to think about that, because it is impossible and irrelevant to ask. I can only be thankful to Fate for giving me the pain to experience two heartbreaks and each killing a part of me... I wonder whether there would be the third woman anymore and I wish to believe that there is... That is why I refuse to yield to cynicism, because cynics are people who can never achieve anything in their lives. -
I was just wondering...a person with just one heart but you can keep the love for 2 woman....It really takes alot for the third woman in your life to know she is the third in your place...
Whether U are going to have the third woman in your life...I still think the main question is if you are able to let them not haunting you...The very fact you think that U might not be able to find the third woman is because the love for 2 woman has left a great impact in your life...
You might not know what yuor future beholds...But for one thing dun say never...just be prepared of what you should do....if you are just tryng to find maybe a substitute for the third place in your heart to carry on the trend of your love life...it might be better for you to remain single for the rest of your life...
And have you asked yourself what is the main problem of the failure of these 2 relationship...Why is it not you that yuo have chosen???? -
Hi Rinoa,
After having a hard and bad day, and plus reading your post, I have suddenly came to this relevation that maybe I should remain single for all my life, since I am not the kind of guy women wanted, so why should I try so hard in searching. I am tired of these questions like why all the past r/s went wrong, and why all that happened to my life. I should not even to try if that is what you want to tell me. -
After watching the movie "The End of An Affair", there is a line which Juliana Moore said to Ralph Finnes, which is very similar to this line of thought in this thread...
"Love does not end when you stop seeing the other person." -
Prodigal
Yes the scars remain, and you said earlier that you thank fate for giving you the experience of two heartbreaks. Now it is really up to you what do you want to make of them. You can lie down and bleed and languish about ghosts and we both know it's very exhausting...and killing. If you're tired of thinking about where did you/who go wrong then stop thinking about it for a while. It seems that you're doing what you've always wanted to do there in England so why don't instead of wonder wonder wonder you immerse yourself in do do do?
Yeah, I know it's not that easy to forget, the strangest things remind me of them and I have to suck my breath to quell the sudden onslaught of pain, but I don't stay there and let it assault me again, move on, dear prodigal, move on. -
Hi proddy, didn't read this post earlier coz i tot it might be too cheem for me.
Like u I have thought that I am the kind of guy that no women will want to love.(I think this is true though) Maybe I'm right(no relationships for me at all so far) but I'm not really as talented nor intelligent as u are. I'm not really sure what i am trying to say now but I hope you do not give up on finding that special someone.
Hmmmm.... its nearly one now and I'm not making much sense....
Just don't give it up man, coz i know I haven't. Coz I am afflicted by the disease of hope