How Ready Are You For Marriage?
Sit down with your loved one and evaluate honestly your views about marriage. Open your heart and share. YouÂ’ll be surprised at how your partner may take a different opinion on the same subject. When that happens, itÂ’s serious pow-wow time and hopefully, youÂ’ll begin to share the same vision to make your commitment to each other last a lifetime!
1.Why do you want to get married to each other?
· You truly love your chosen partner, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
· You want to be a part of that person’s life, sharing both ups and downs, forging a happy future together where you’ll both raise a dream family together.
· You are fully prepared to make a lifelong commitment with that person.
2. Understanding what marriage is – Teamwork
Marriage is learning to live with your partner, being aware of your spouse-to-beÂ’s needs and wants, having the willingness to help, compromise and even make sacrifices for a happier and more fulfilling married life.
A marriage is two individuals coming together as one, thinking and acting together for their common good, very much like operating as a team! Discussing and making major joint decisions on issues like:
· Who will foot the major expenses like housing loans, utility bills, groceries etc
· How much money to put aside for a rainy day?
· Should life insurance and fire insurance be taken up?
· Can they afford to make major purchases without breaking the bank?
· How to adjust to each other’s family?
· When to start a family and how will the children be raised?
Different viewpoints make for interesting conversation but a compromise has to be reached for any progress to be made.
3. Understanding your future partner
Everyone has his or her own moral values, mindsets, personality and backgrounds. You have to access the above factors and see if they are compatible with your own:
· Do you have conflicting goals in life like career aspirations, retirement plans?
· Do you both have different expectations and values on family, children and finances?
· Do you problems visualizing growing old with your partner?
· Do you have demands on each other like time and communication? Your partner may prefer to have his own private space when you may demand constant attention!
Reality bites when you grow old and find that the romantic love that you once had has diminished through the years. The notion of love itself has changed in some fashion. People change. Constant adjustments to these changes make for harmonious living! Keeping a marriage going takes constant work!
Saying “I do!” – how you know when you are finally ready:
· You both want to get married for the right reasons.
· You both have realistic expectations of married life,
· You respect your partner as a person with both strengths and shortcomings.
· You both understand fully the responsibilities and obligations you are committing yourself to.
It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for the one available.
Best to wait for the one you love than one who's around.
Best to wait for the right one because life's too short to be wasted
on just someone.
"An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults isnÂ’t really that important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time, his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths.
You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither one of you is perfect, but are you perfect for each other?
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you
compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not
the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.
Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons
to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong?
- Communication
- Intimacy
- a sense of humour
- sharing household tasks
- some getaway time without business or children
- daily exchanges
(a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)
- sharing common goals and interests
- giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure
- giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of
commitment
- asking God to be the centre of your relationship
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain replace the passion.
"As long as we have memories, yesterday remains
As long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits
As long as we have friendship, and today is beautiful."
Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a Relationship and find out that you still care for that person.