Jokes galore!
-
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little
to
> her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried
to
> warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the
> farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher
> paused then asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy
Shit! A
> talking chicken!'"
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. -
#1 Genie and the 2 Golfers
A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer.
On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house.
The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside
and find a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp.
The husband asks: "Did we break that too?"
"Yes", replies the man.
"Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks.
"No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it.
Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp.
OK, what'll they be?"
The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer."
"Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces.
"Second, I want a million bucks a week for life."
"Poof! you get a million bucks a week", the genie announces.
"Good. OK, what do you want?" asks the husband.
"For my wish. I want to have my way with your pretty wife," grins the genie.
"Hmmm", the husband hesitated, "I guess that's all right. After all, she broke your lamp,
you've made us rich, and our golf games will be much more interesting. Go ahead."
So the genie and the wife retire the bedroom. After several steamy hours the "genie" says to the wife:
"How long have you known your husband?"
"Ten years," she replies.
"How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
#2 Ding Dong
A woman's husband has died. After a few months, she decides she wants a new one.
She submits a classified ad as follows: "Widow looking for a new husband. To be considered,
you must conform to these three criteria:
1 - You can't beat me (as my first husband did).
2 - You can't run around on me (as my first husband did).
3 - You MUST be good in bed (as my first husband wasn't)."
A few days later, the doorbell rings. She opens the door and a man without
any arms and or legs is sitting in a wheel chair.
"Can I help you?" she says.
"I'm here about your ad in the paper."
"Which ad is that?"
"The one looking for a husband."
She says, "Uhm, well, there were certain criteria..."
"Yes, I know. Obviously, I could never beat you... I have no arms."
"Well, yes, I see that... but there were other criteria."
"And, as you can see, I could never run around on you... I have no legs."
"Well, yes, that's true... but there was one other thing that is very important..."
"Ah, yes, well... how do you think I rang the door bell?" -
[color=blue]China Man Visited USA:
Once upon a time there was a China Man who has visited USA.
One day he witnessed an accident and tried to give a helping
hand by calling the police.
He dialled 911 and all of a sudden he realised that he could
not communicate in English. So see below how he managed to
speak to the officer.
Officer : May I help you???
China man : One car come, one car go,
one car no brake, one car no stop
two cars ping ping piang piang
please call eee ooor eee ooor. -
YesOriginally posted by nooki:dun reali get it leh, so does that mean they had sex in McDonald's?
-
ok lah
-
There was a Japanese man who went to India for sightseeing. On
the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the
Airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.
Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled,
"Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!."
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi, again, the Japanese
man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made
in Japan!"
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the
Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very
fast! Made in Japan!"
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on
for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport.
The fare was 50 dollars.
The Japanese exclaimed, "What??... so expensive!"
There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in India!" -
16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross
From Netlaughter.com -
Hershey... saw tat joke b4.. shld be - Meter, very fast, Made in Japan
-
[color=blue] I like to put india cannot meh?
-
How true is this?
Is this happening to you???
Something to keep you smiling, advise from Helpdesk, see below:
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow-down in the performance of flowers and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.9 and Mr. Fix It 4.2 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
+++++++++++++++
Dear Desperate:
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:\THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run applications Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly
WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.2 or another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.
Good luck,
Tech Support -
[color=blue]Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to
Ah Lian's place to show it to her.
So there Ah Beng was, telling and bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
"this is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Somemore hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted
the gear and floored the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and
crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What are u doing?!!! U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!!!
Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai seh lah! No lah, I tot hor,
"R" for racing mah!" -
Keys To Business Success...
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.
3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing--they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's to way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you.
The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.
[/b] -
The Complexity of A Woman
You think you know how to push ALL of a woman's buttons? Think again!
-
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.
Can you please help me !!!???
Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear TROUBLED USER,
This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by it's creator to run everything.
It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.
Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings- Alimony/Child support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.
I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of Luck,
Tech Support -
You know you're drinking too much coffee when...
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
Cocaine is a downer.
All your kids are named "Joe".
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You help your dog chase its tail. -
Married Life
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, could not wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife,
“Honey, I’ll be right back...”
“Where are you going, coochy cooh...?” asked the wife.
“I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’m going to have a beer.”
“You want a beer, my love?”
She opened the door of the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband did not know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was,
“Yes, loolie loolie...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...”
He did not get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,
“You want a frozen glass, puppy face?”
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said,
“Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious... I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. Okay?”
“You want hors d’oeuvres, poochi pooh?”
She opened the oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors dÂ’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
“But sweet honey...at the bar...you know... there’s swearing, dirty words and all that...”
“You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
“LISTEN, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GOD-DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT ASSHOLE!” -
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.
The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest.
When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop.
Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace."
The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal.
Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence."
Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence,
the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?"
So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer.
When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!" -
Four lessons to learn for the day
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. then he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
A crusty old man walked into a bank and said to the teller at the window.
“I want to open a damn account.”
To which the astonished woman replied,
“I beg your pardon, sir, I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn account right now!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank.”
Having said this, the teller left the window and went over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer. They both returned and the manager asked the old geezer,
“What seems to be the problem here?”
“There’s no damn problem, sonny,” the elderly man said. “I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn account in this damn bank!”
“I see,” said the manager thoughtfully. “And you’re saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?”
Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to L.A. when the American turned to the Japanese and asked,
“What kind of –ese are you?”
The Japanese confused, replied,
“Sorry but I don’t understand what you mean.”
The American repeated, “What kind of -ese are you?”
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled,
“What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc...?”
“Oh, I am a Japanese.”
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked,
“What kind of ‘key’ are you?”
The American, frustrated, yelled,
“What do you mean what kind of -key am I?!”
“Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?”
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
There were these four guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the four guys had released him out of the bottle, he said,
“Next to you all are four swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true.”
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted,
“WINE!”
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the RussianÂ’s turn, he did the same and shouted,
“VODKA!”
And immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted,
“BEER!”
He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
“SHIT!”
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes accidents do happen. -
How to Lie to Your Bathroom Weighing Scale
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner ... as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off... to your advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut; this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally. -
Hi folks,
this is really amusing
Enjoy it!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
MODERN LOVE LETTER
Dearest Samantha:
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 1999.
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 1999 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
Max
MODERN REPLY OF MODERN LOVE LETTER
Dear Max:
Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.
However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction.
However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment.
If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.
Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP' I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jag is in order.
Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself.
If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.
Please also note that my sister is happily employed.
Yours perhaps,
Samantha -
The Singapore National Car...
PRESS RELEASE
Kia Motors of Korea and Japan's Suzuki Motor Corporation have announced plans to enter into a joint venture project to design and build Singapore's first national car, and are to incorporate a company here with 50-50 ownership.
The new car company will be called KiaSu Motors Singapore Pte Ltd. Company insiders are excited about the project, which has secretly been in the works for years. "We're expecting thousands of KiaSu customers" said a Kia executive. "All KiaSu cars will be specially-designed to meet the needs of Singaporean motorists." Asked to reveal some of the features expected on the first KiaSu model, the executive said: "Er, better not. What if I lose my job?"
Sources from Suzuki had more to say, however. "For years, Singapore's best-selling car has been the Nissan Sunny. We'll just copy that car and watch the suckers queue up for days in advance outside our showroom," said Project Manager Tan Wah Low. But the KiaSu car will outdo the Sunny in various important ways, boasted Tan. While the Nissan has a 1596cc engine, the KiaSu will have one that is exactly 1600cc in size, the maximum that would allow it to fall in the Category A COE bracket.
To draw needless attention to its superiority, the Singapore car will also be launched as the 'KiaSu Sunnier'. In order to reduce costs, the Sunnier will also do away with the need for superfluous features found on the Nissan Sunny and other cars, such as turn signals, side and rear-view mirrors, and rear seatbelts, which local motorists do not use.
"Think of the convenience," said Tan smugly. "When you drive a KiaSu, you need never adjust your mirrors or bother to signal before making a turn. Why pay for things you never use?" Aside from that, the KiaSu Sunnier's main selling point will be a special windscreen that no local driver would want to be without.
"We are working on a giving one corner of the windscreen special optical distortions. When you place your parking coupon under this part of the windscreen, it becomes almost impossible to tell from the outside if you have torn off the coupon tabs completely or merely bent them backwards," revealed Tan with glee. -
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION....
"Just wait until your father gets home!"
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...
Don't talk back to me!"
My Mother taught me LOGIC ...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you
can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE....
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, you're going to
freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD ...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a
good job."
My Mother taught me about ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are
cold."
My Mother taught me HUMOR ...
"When the lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come
running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about SEX...
"How do you think you got here?"
My Mother taught me about GENETICS....
"You're just like your father!"
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS....
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite ... JUSTICE....
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just
like you....then you'll see what it's like." -
WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ
How long did the Hundred Years War last?
Which country makes Panama hats?
From which animal do we get catgut?
In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
What is a camel's hair brush made of?
The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
What was King George VI's first name?
What color is a purple finch?
Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
How long did the Thirty Years War last? -
Answers
How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
From which animal do we get catgut? Sheep and Horses
In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
What was King George VI's first name? Albert
What color is a purple finch? Crimson
Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
How long did the Thirty Years War last? Thirty years -
One day, while a woodcutter was cuttin` a branch of a tree above a river,
his axe fell into the river. When he began cryin`, God appeared. "Why are
you cryin`?" The woodcutter told Him that he had dropped his axe into
water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is
this your axe?", God asked. "No."
God again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?", God
asked. "No".
God went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?",
God
asked. "Yes".
God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all the three axes.
The
woodcutter went home happily.
One day while he was walkin` with his wife along the river, his wife fell
into the river. When he began cryin`, God appeared. "Why are you
cryin`?"
"My wife has fallen into water." God went down into the water and came up
with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?", God asked. "Yes", he said.
God was furious, "You cheat! Now I am goin` to curse you......" The
woodcutter quickly said, "Forgive me My Lord. It is a misunderstandin`. If
I say NO to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. If
I also say NO to her, you will finally come up with my wife and I will say
YES. Then you will give all the three to me. I am a poor man. I will not be
able to look after all the three. So that`s why I said:YES!"