10 Uses For An Unwanted England Flag

lwflee

4 Jul 06, 01:19

Millions of England fans are waking up to unwanted flags on houses and cars. A few suggestions on what to do with them.

1. Use them to dry your eyes. Despite most flags being made from synthetic materials, typically woven polyester, some of them can be absorbent enough for your most lachrymose moments.

2. Continue to display your England flag with pride (part I). If anybody asks, point out England are still in the competition, Saturday was all just a bad dream, lightning never strikes so many times, it's going to be an England v Germany final. Place hands over ears and repeat "naa naa naa, I can't hear you".

Tim Henman holds an England flag
Two symbols of summer sporting failure

3. If you're a Sun reader you could consider using the flags as stuffing for an effigy of the newly-crowned "least popular man in the Premiership" Cristiano Ronaldo. Don't burn it though as some polyester can give off pollutants.

4. Recycle it. Some polyester fibre can be recycled effectively.

5. Return them to China. They made them.

6. If you know anyone who's a dab hand with a sewing machine why not consider turning the flags into clothing and shipping them out to developing countries.

7. Bleach flag, convert into cross of St Andrew, get behind Andrew Murray. There isn't a single French, German, Portuguese or Italian player left in the men's singles at Wimbledon. So frankly, who cares about the World Cup. (Correct at time of going to press).

Two England fans shelter themselves from the rain
It won't make a very effective umbrella

8. Continue to display your England flag with pride (part II). England kick off the World Lacrosse championships on 14 July. Best of all the tournament is being held in London (Ontario). Come on England.

9. Try and get a refund or exchange. The Trade Descriptions Act 1968 makes it an offence for a trader to knowingly or recklessly make misleading statements about services. Any flag trader who suggested England enjoyed a vague chance of actually winning the thing should surely feel obliged to offer you at least a France flag in exchange.

10. Save them for next time. Euro 2008 is in Switzerland and Austria. With David Beckham likely to head off to spend more time with his hair, England might really have a chance of winning. There's only 705 days to go