Dennis Taylor Jokes
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As told at the 2004 Trick Shot World Championships:
"My uncle Seamus had a terrible accident last week. He got injured while playing snooker. He was playing with his brother for a few quid, and it happened when he popped to the toilet. He'd come back to play his shot and he had to throw his leg over the table, and he forgot to do his fly up.
"As he's playing his shot his brother said, 'Seamus, don't move. There's a snake on the table. What am I gonna do?'
"And Seamus says, 'Hit it with the butt of the cue!'
"So he gave it crack and my uncle screamed! He said, 'HIT IT AGAIN! IT JUST BIT ME!'"
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"I went to see my uncle in the hospital, and you know the whole ward's packed with people visiting. So my uncle was lying in bed and he had this mask on his face, so he says to get the nurse.
"The nurse comes over and asks, 'What's the matter?' and my uncle goes, 'Ar muh tes 'ih 'uls bahk?'
"The nurse says, 'I beg your pardon?' and he went, 'Ar muh tes 'ih 'uls bahk?'
"So she pulled the sheets and his dressing gown and had a wee look, and she says, 'No, you're alright sir. Your testicles are not black.'
"He pulled the mask off and he said, 'No, are my test results back?'" -
Good one!
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"He's very good at Do-It-Yourself. I remember when I lived in Blackburn, and he wanted a bit more room, so his wife said, 'Why don't you knock two rooms into one?'
"Well, he did. D'you know we've now got the highest ceiling on our street?"
"He wanted to put some shelves and he went into this library, and he says, 'Excuse me, have you any books on shelves?'
"The girl says, 'We've got hundreds!'" -
"What's that woman on television who doesn't like the Welsh. Anne Robinson! Do you ever watch that programme?
"She's always having a go at the Welsh, and there was a wee fellar from Prestatyn. And she's got to ask him a question and so she says to the wee fellar, 'What is a shih tzu?'
"The wee fellar from Prestatyn says, 'I beg your pardon?' She says again, 'What is a shih tzu?'
"And he said, 'It's a zoo with no animals!'" -
isnt he the guy who wears his specs inverted?
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They're not inverted.Originally posted by dragg:isnt he the guy who wears his specs inverted? -
'A woman came up to my uncle and said, "Would you like to sleep with me for two hundred pounds?"
'And he said, "I'm not very tired but I could do with the money..."'