Hi Doc,
I've got "The System," which has helped me a great deal with women. I've been with Sapphire for four and a half years. She's the coolest chick I've ever dated and one of the best people I've met in my life. When I first met her I was following "The System" strictly and I won her over. The problem is that while I was really attracted to her in the beginning of our relationship, I lost a lot of that attraction. Sapphire put on weight and stopped trying to keep her looks together.
Recently my old girlfriend contacted me after 12 years. Stormy is smokin' hot and I never had any problems with physical attraction, but she was super bitchy and eventually cheated on me. Anyway, I should have followed "The System" by never going back to Stormy, but like a fool I listened to a friend (a girl) who said, "Oh that's a long time, she may have changed." So I began talking to Stormy and of course she put her best foot forward and sucked me in by stroking my ego. Since I'm not as attracted to Sapphire anymore, I seriously thought of leaving her for Stormy, who I began to pursue. The problem is that she lives four hours away. Talk about a double whammy! Not only did I pursue the old girlfriend, but I pursued her into a long distance relationship!
But I also know that this is all wrong. Somehow I managed to keep both girls on the hook until just this week when the old girlfriend informed me that she found another man. This really is good news no matter how much it hurts my ego. Stormy is no good, but I was a sucker for her. But I couldn't let go of my current girlfriend because I have a twisted sense of loyalty to her. She never treated me badly and she really is my best friend. I've treated her horribly though, but she still holds on. In the middle of all this I told Sapphire that she's put on weight and let herself go. She was hurt, but she did lose a lot of the weight and when she does herself up she looks great.
Doc, my emotions are all over the place. Because I messed with Sapphire so much, she wants to be married ASAP or it's off. But I'm too twisted to feel 100% about marriage right now. But I feel like if I lose Sapphire I may lose the best thing that's happened to me, yet the physical attraction is not as hot as it was. My old girlfriend coming back into my life only stirred up the feeling I had for that physical attraction and those sexy ways. At the same time maybe I'm looking for perfection that doesn't exist. I'm 38 and I haven't had kids but I know it's a good time for all this and Sapphire will be a great mom. But I'm still having a tough time wanting the marriage even though I believe we could have a very happy life. I wish I wasn't so superficial.
Doc, I know I've done some bad stuff, but lay it on me. I need to know how to handle myself through this.
Wilfred - who's twisted into a pretzel
Hi Wilfred,
Let me ask you a question: if you've been with Sapphire for four and half years, how come you two aren't married? After all that time, you should be.
But since Sapphire let herself go to fat, you sure as heck don't want to marry her now. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "At that weight, she's not going to be a healthy spouse." So this is grounds to drop her now.
Instead, you decided to try to rekindle the mess with the super bitchy Stormy who cheated on you before. Like most men, since you're having problems with your current girl, you go to the past for a solution. (To you Psych majors, women do the same thing, by the way.) And what men do is distort what really happened back then into something more agreeable to their present needs. But Stormy belongs to the past, Wilfred. This disaster happened 12 years ago. She memorized all the mistakes you made and she can't forget them. So it's over. Get that through your head. I don't care if this stuff happened 100 years ago - you can't go back.
Sure, like your friend said, Stormy may have changed, but her memory hasn't changed. Your friend didn't give you good advice, guy. And by the way, you should be listening to me, not some yahoo friend of yours who doesn't know anything about anything.
It's interesting that you realized that Stormy sucked you in by pandering to your ego. Most guys don't understand what's happening when they're being taken for a ride, but you did at the same time as Stormy was doing it. So you're making the wrong choices when you know they're the wrong choices, and even though you have my book. What's wrong with you, Wilfred?
And you pursued Stormy anyway. So now you're entangled with two girls, neither of whom you have a chance with. It was over years ago with Stormy, and Sapphire loves to eat like Oprah. So what do you really have?
It doesn't matter if Stormy lives next door or in New Zealand - it's finished with her. This is all a waste of time and has absolutely nothing to do with your problems with Sapphire. You've somehow gotten it into your head that there are only two women in the whole world and you have to choose between them. But these two are both OUT.
You don't have a twisted sense of loyalty to anyone, Wilfred. You just can't be alone, that's your problem - you're not into loyalty at all. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "If you were really loyal, you wouldn't be chasing another chick around." You wouldn't even be talking about Stormy if you were a loyal man.
And like I said before, it's also true that it's history with Sapphire. You've got four and a half years in with a fat girl, that's all. Your emotions aren't all over the place. It's your logic and reasoning that are all over the place. Your emotions are fine. If Sapphire wants to be married right away, tell her forget it, it's off. That way you're rid of both of these pieces of dead wood once and for all.
If you stay with Sapphire, the physical attraction problem is only going to get worse. Because like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "After she pops a kid, she's going to be carrying another hundred pounds around."
The real problem here is that you're not thinking about the possibility of a third girl. Both Sapphire and Stormy are extinct issues - that's what you don't seem to get. You have to find a girl that you like, Wilfred. If you haven't married a girl after four and a half years, you don't really like her. And so you have a problem. You think you can still have a happy life with Sapphire? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "You're off in la-la land, boy."
And you're not superficial, Wilfred. You just think in the short term, like most men, and you're run by your emotions and your high Interest Level. Other than that, you're a average guy.
Here's how you should handle yourself: drop both girls, commit my materials to memory, and find a third girl.
Remember, guys: unless you memorize my program, you're going to make stupid mistakes.