Hey Doc,
I've been seeing Chloe for six months now and things have been great.
She is a Beautiful Woman who used to model in New York and Paris. She's
also a Giver. She's bought me things plenty of times, she's kind to my
close friends, and she takes care of her mother who is financially
unstable. She manages to baby-sit terribly bratty children, so she
seems to have good potential as a mother as well. She also has very
high Integrity. Her Interest Level is in the 90s and she never uses
Womanese. She does, however, badmouth other people she doesn't care for,
but then again, I can be the same way so I think that's acceptable.
Chloe has frequently told me I'm "the one." In fact, sometimes she's
overbearing, which brings me to her negatives. She can be very needy;
she often needs my help with her problems; if I don't spend the day with
her she will call me and expect me to listen to her for at least 20 to
30 minutes; she has past "daddy" issues; every time she tells me "I love
you" she must hear me say "I love you" back or else she won't leave me
alone. When she dresses up, she must hear a compliment from me or else
she will give me a hard time about it.
According to you I should not be there for Chloe all the time. However,
the way I see it, it's just much easier for me to have a 20-minute
phone conversation with her, rather than pretend I was too busy to take
the call and then have an argument lasting at least an hour about why I
didn't pick up the phone or call her back. The same situation applies to
saying "I love you." Although you might say that being there for her
too much and being too accommodating is anti-Challenge and lowers her
Interest Level, I think her Interest Level is so high that it's okay to
compromise on these issues and preserve my sanity. But might I be
lowering her Interest Level in order just to avoid a confrontation?
So what do you think? Is her moderate inflexibility a major problem to
the relationship, enough to cause serious problems down the road? Am I
risking lowering her Interest Level too much, or am I compromising just
the right amount? You've said yourself that Beautiful Women are by
nature inflexible, and I don't think she's all that bad, so are these
inflexible traits just part of the deal with Chloe?
Nicoli - who wants to make sure this is a good one
Hi Nicoli,
Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "Naw, it ain't no problem to badmouth other folks - we all do it behind the barn." On the other hand, to you Psych majors, a needy woman will drive you bonkers. And because Chloe is so needy, she has you playing psychiatrist, which you know, if you read my book that I'm against. Now I want you to think about this real hard. Chloe has you listening to her complain and bitch and whine and whimper for a half hour every single day...and you're going to do it for the next 45 years? You are literally going to be her shrink for the next half-century. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into, man."
And think about this: she's going to take her "daddy" issues out on you. Daddy issues fall under the heading of "scars and baggage." Like most women, Chloe isn't saying "I love you" because she really does love you, she's just saying it because she needs to hear it said to her all the time and she has to have the strokes. There's also this: every time she changes her clothes you're going to have to tell her how fabulous she looks. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "Damn, this sounds like a lot of work. Ain't life supposed to be easy some of the time?"
Again, you have to consider being with Chloe while constantly meeting her needs for the next 45 years. Like my cousin General Love says, "Think about being stranded in a cabin with her up in Alaska for a year or two." Or like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, "Bro, can you imagine bein' in the same cell with her doin' life without the possibility of parole?"
No, you shouldn't be there for Chloe all the time, pal. Because SHE SHOULD BE GONE. Period. I don't care if she's an ex-model. I don't care if she's the second coming of Stephanie Seymour. You have to get rid of her unless you want to be crazy, too. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "My son, you're paying for those looks. And you're going to keep paying for them." This babe is what we call SUPER HIGH-MAINTENANCE. She'll drive you insane over the next 45 years. Remember, we die in our 80s today. It's not like the old days when you croaked at 49.
If Chloe argues with you about why you didn't pick up the phone whenever she calls, you can only come to one conclusion: this girl is a M-E-S-S. That spells MESS.
Now let me explain something very important to you. You're worrying needlessly about being a Challenge to Chloe because CHALLENGE DOESN'T WORK WITH WOMEN WHO HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM. A needy woman hates Challenge. Challenge only works with clinically sane, self-reliant women - not loons. And Chloe, sadly, falls into the latter category. She has 95% Interest Level in you all right; the problem is that when you look up "scars and baggage" in Webster's Dictionary, her face is there.
You're not going to lower Chloe's Interest Level as long as you keep playing psychiatrist and give her a therapy session every day for as long as you live and you never miss a session. And as long as whenever she says "I love you" and you say it back to her two or three or four times, she's not going anywhere. Of course it has no value whatsoever in the relationship, but with her low Self-Esteem, she'll think it's great. You can say "I love you" to Chloe 50 times a day and never lower her Interest Level because her Self-Esteem is in the ditch.
You call her inflexibility "moderate?" Talk about rationalizing, Nicoli! This is called SUPER inflexibility, my friend! This isn't a major problem in the relationship - it's MASSIVE. Of course it's going to cause serious problems down the road - how could it not?
Don't fret about compromising too much or lowering Chloe's Interest Level. Neither concept should even be in this discussion. What you have to do is get rid of her. She's a whack-job and you'll end up hating her anyway.
Yes, it's true that as a rule the Beautiful Woman is inflexible. And that's because ever since she was 12 years old, every male she's ever run into has never said anything but YES to her.
And yes, Chloe's character traits are just part of the deal with her. But if you have three kids with her and are trying to run a household and you have to put up with her inflexible neediness all the time, how do you think it's going to work out? How much attention do you think your kids are going to get? Or you, for that matter? I feel sorry for you, Nicoli.
Remember, guys: if you have to play psychiatrist for her, it will drive you nuts.