Hey Doc,
I've been looking your columns and trying to find a situation close to mine. Most of the other men's situations are missing my key problem -- the other guy.
I met Alita through my best friend two months ago. We've gone out for drinks and hung out on many occasions. There is definitely a strong attraction between us. Every date ends with a heavy make-out session, but our relationship never goes further because she says she has a boyfriend, so it's understandable. But what I don't understand is that if Alita is willing to tell me -- and show me for that matter -- the way she feels about me, then why is the boyfriend even an issue? I don't expect any type of relationship to come of this, but I just don't want be led on time and time again, only to be shot to the curb at the end of the summer when she goes back to school (which is where her boyfriend lives).
I told Alita, "Well, I just wish I wasn't being put into the friend zone," and she replied that she didn't want to put me in the friend zone. Her next statement really got me, though. She said "I want things to just stay the same until I finish school, then we'll see what happens."
Doc, what am I doing wrong? How can I make this work? This is the girl every man wants to marry, be with, love, etc., and God knows I would do what it takes to make it work. Should I give up hope?
Drazen - who's going crazy over her
Hi Drazen,
While it's true that I give you guys a ton of information in my columns, I also hold back a lot by necessity - because of the constraints of time and space. The vital, deeper information is in my book, "The System." Unless you own and memorize that essential volume, you're never going to successfully put all of this information together and make it work. Why? Because "The System" is the combination to the safe that contains the truth. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "The Dating Dictionary is the Bible of Romance. You'll never know the commandments of love without it."
You don't hang out with girls, Drazen. You date them. But hold it right here. You're telling me that you're falling for a girl who already has a boyfriend? What you don't seem to realize is that Alita is NOT AVAILABLE. When you meet a girl, you have to pass the Physical Attraction Test, she has to have at least 51% Interest Level in you, and she CANNOT have a boyfriend. Without having ALL of these requirements fulfilled, you can't do anything with her.
To you Psych majors, if a girl has a boyfriend and she's kissing you, all you're ever going to be is a Boy Toy, somebody she plays with on the side while the other guy isn't around. So what this means, Drazen, is that Alita is using you and misleading you and giving you false hope. Or like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "This woman is no good." She has no character. She has no honesty. She has no Loyalty. She has no Integrity. You can't trust her. Otherwise, she's great! And by the way, how do you think her boyfriend would feel if he found out that you were making out with his girl? But of course most men in America are weak when it comes to women, so he wouldn't have the guts to get rid of her anyway.
You ask why Alita's boyfriend is even an issue. Let me explain it to you: if she really dug you, she would break up with that guy. But he's an idiot, and you're an idiot, so she'll continue stringing the two of you along until she gets more bored with the both of you than she already is. Making out with one guy isn't enough for Alita. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, "If she has two guys, she can try to fill that empty hole of low self-esteem inside her which can never be filled." And by the way, what makes you so sure that you and Alita's boyfriend are the only two turkeys she's got on the line? What if she's flirting with and emailing other guys around the country?
Getting shot to the curb when she goes back to her boyfriend is exactly what's going to happen to you, dude. So you've got your answer right there - you're not as dumb as I thought you were.
Drazen, this babe is not putting you into the friend zone. She's making out with you, isn't she? She has feelings for you. And she has feelings for the other guy, whose arms she'll be in again as soon as she moves out of town. And guess what? Odds are you'll never see her again.
I know Alita's telling you that she wants to see what will happen, but nothing's ever going to happen. But I have to give Alita this: she sure has gall to tell you up front that she's just using you. But of course with your sky-high Interest Level and your ego, you can't even see it and so like a fool you accept it. Plus, of course, you don't have my book, so you don't know which end is up.
What are you doing wrong? Well, when a girl has a boyfriend, like I said before, she's really not in the ballgame at all. How can you make this work? Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Hire a hit man and kill the boyfriend." That's the only way you're going to have a chance with this gem every guy wants to marry, love, be with, etc.
Should you give up hope? Like my cousin General Love says, "Soldier, this thing was dead in the water before it even started."
Remember, guys: if she has a boyfriend, she's not available.
Gawd damn...
Used n abused... *clutches his heart* ouch... cough.. flashback!