Hey Doc,
So I've been brushing up on your book, and a few of your tips have really helped me out. But I've run into something rather peculiar.
Bridget and I work together. I asked her out for a drink and she said yes. The next day she texted me and asked if I wanted to eat some ice cream and walk her dog in the park. It went well, we talked for a few hours, said good night, and that was the end. I actually thought it might not go anywhere after that. But then I ran into Bridget at work two days later, and she practically asked me out. We set something up for a couple days later and we ended up going out again. This time it was amazing. I've been on quite a few dates, but none that went as well as this. We ate at Bridget's favorite place and we talked after supper for about four hours, went to see a movie and she made it known that she wanted me to hold her hand through the movie. I took her hand while walking to the car, which she liked. We kissed when we got to the car. The date lasted about eight hours, there were no awkward silences and lots of laughing, and after I dropped her off she said she had a great time and so did I. She showed a very high Interest Level.
Forward a day. We made plans to go out and have a picnic. This was her idea. I was going to stop and pick some food up so I asked her if she needed me to grab anything. This is when she tells me that she's still a little nervous about dating me, because she had told herself she didn't want to get into another relationship for a few months (it's been about two months since her last one). She said her "head was all over the place." Then she said she wanted to take things really slow, which I told her I have no problem with. So she cancelled our date to go and play poker with a few of her friends, and that was that. Nothing was rescheduled.
Doc, I'm crazy confused. One night Bridget is an 80% to 90% Interest Level and the next afternoon she feels like a slim 50%. I'm not sure how to go about this one. How slow should I go? Should I go totally hands/lips off and not talk to her as much? Or should I act like nothing happened the other night, and just act more like a friend?
Derelle - whose head is spinning
Hi Derelle,
It's good that this babe hustled you at first - it showed that she had high Interest Level. Now let's see how you handled that high interest, because that's the real test of whether you memorized my book and put my principles and techniques into action.
You shouldn't be holding hands with this girl when you're walking to your car. She should be taking your elbow at most. And you shouldn't be hanging all over each other in public. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "Displays of affection should always be private and discreet."
Derelle, an eight-hour date when you don't even know a girl is way, way too long. To you Psych majors, here is the progression of how long dates should last: the Starbucks date should last no longer than 45 minutes to one hour. The first dates after that should go two to two and a half, no more than three hours MAXIMUM. A full eight hours is overkill in the beginning of a relationship. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "Dude, are you trying to give away the store? You don't even know this honey!"
Now let's look at what happened next. This girl is all of a sudden nervous about dating you and she's the one making all the dates? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "I think I hear the cuckoo bird singing!"
Bridget might not want to get into a relationship so soon after her last one ended, but so what? Nobody knows when relationships are going to happen or not happen. The point here is that Bridget is acting highly inconsistent. Derelle, is that the kind of relationship you want?
Bridget's asking you out all the time and now she wants to go slow? Now think about what's happening here logically. Pretend you're a psychiatrist, my friend. What would you say about this woman? And what advice would you give yourself? Does this situation make any sense at all? Like the great Doctor Freud once said, "We all want to have our cake and eat it too. But we can't have it both ways."
Then Bridget calls off your date to go and play cards. This is a broken date, pal. In my book it says a broken date means that the girl is OUT. Period. So this thing is over, and that's all there is to it.
Guy, in the amount of time you spent with this girl, you didn't do all the right things. In fact, you did everything wrong. You "brushed up" on my book instead of memorizing it. You were using only a few of my techniques when you should have been using ALL of them. In other words, you took weak, halfway measures with Bridget and now you have to pay for not doing what you were supposed to do.
Actually Bridget is a slim 49% Interest Level. There is no such thing as a 50% Interest Level. It's either 51% and up, and 49% and below - which means you're OUT. And you're out, Derelle. In this case you're out because there was a broken date and you spent much too much time with this girl.
You can't go slowly with Bridget now because you already went too fast and crashed into a wall. Once you break the speed limit, it's too late. And Bridget broke a date - which means it's adios, baby! So now you're going to see her at work, smile, say "Hi, how ya doin'," and keep walking. That's it. You can't act like a friend because you're nothing but an acquaintance. And Bridget won't even remember that.
Remember, guys: if you don't spoon-feed yourself, she's going to burn out on you.