Hey Doc,
Greetings from Scandinavia! I read "The System" a year ago and I've learned a lot. Thank you!
Elsa and I have been together for seven months. She is extremely attractive, really loves me, and her Interest Level is up in the 90s. She would do anything for me. In return, I keep her on her toes and keep it light, funny and cocky. I always make sure to go out with the boys, and have several friends, both girls and guys.
Now here's the rub. We are both students and we've moved in together. Already I'm beginning to wonder if this move happened too soon. I feel like sometimes we are on top of each other. Would you say that after seven months it's too early to move in together? And if so, how can I suggest to Elsa that it is too early without ruining the relationship? The one time I mentioned my misgivings, she got very bummed out and sad. Now that we're under the same roof, how do we keep the relationship fresh, interesting and loving? How do we avoid falling into a rut and letting everything become boring and so forth?
There's one more thing I want to mention and I'm a little embarrassed about it. A few days ago Elsa threw me a real curveball, as you like to say in America. She shocked me by suggesting that someday we should have a "second" girlfriend in our relationship. She said she thought it might be fun to be romantic with a third person and thought she would like to try it. When I pressed her on it, she said it was just a passing fantasy.
Doc, do you think Elsa is thinking of cheating on me? I'm still trying to process her question and I'm getting nowhere. Any insight would be appreciated.
Bubba - who doesn't know what to make of it
Hi Bubba,
You can't say you read "The System" a year ago and expect it to have the desired effect. You have to immerse yourself in my book on a constant basis. You have to read at least seven pages a night and you can't let your girlfriend know about it. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "This is a continuous educational process." So, Bubba, you can't say you read "The System" once a long time ago and insist that you learned a lot. You've got a lot more to learn, and you have to memorize the program in order for it to have its full, proper effect on your life.
All the things you say you did in the first seven months with Elsa were great. You kept her at arm's length and you were a Challenge. Congratulations. Now let's see where you went off the track.
When you're cohabiting, sometimes you're going to feel like Elsa is on top of you but a lot depends on your actual living situation. How big is the place you're living in? Is it a spacious house or a tight apartment? Do you have separate bedrooms? Can you stay in one room and study while she's in the living room watching television so you both have some breathing space? Obviously the smaller the space you're in, the relationship is going to be more claustrophobic. Like my cousin General Love says, "Ask anybody in a nuclear submarine."
But on the other hand, living together after only seven months of dating is way, way, WAY too soon. So you've already made the biggest mistake of your life by moving in with this girl. But you can't suggest to Elsa that it's too early now because it will ruin the relationship. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Since you've already messed it up by not controlling yourself, the only thing you can do now is suck it up and do the best you can."
Of course Elsa got bummed out and sad when you brought up your misgivings about the relationship because you hurt her feelings. What did you expect, dude? Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, "You're backpedaling, and you can't backpedal with your girlfriend."
You keep the relationship fresh, interesting and loving by looking up "MAINTENANCE PROGRAM" in the Dating Dictionary. You're going to give Elsa respect, affection, romance, and support. You're going to be humorous, you're never going to say "I love you," and you're going to take her out once a week. That's the only way you can keep this thing from getting boring now. You have a lot of work ahead of you, my friend.
Now let's move on to the third party that Elsa wants in your relationship. If you wouldn't have jumped into living together after only seven months, this would have come out eventually and you wouldn't have moved in with her and gotten yourself trapped. Anytime a girl wants to bring a third party in to spice things up, that relationship is dead in the water. Like the old Chinese saying goes, "Relationships are for two people, not three, grasshopper."
Hey, Elsa's not thinking of cheating on you because she wants you involved! But like the great Doctor Freud once said, "Your ego would not be able to handle it." Plus, it's not healthy for the relationship.
Bubba, you've got a massive problem on your hands here. And all because you only read "The System" once a year ago. If you'd read it 15 times like I tell you guys to, you wouldn't be in this predicament. If you'd taken the counsel of my program, which you didn't, you'd have emailed me or gotten coaching from me or solicited my opinion before you made this big move with Elsa. But you didn't do any of it, which means you don't know "The System." And now you're going to have to pay for it.
Remember, guys: if your girlfriend is into threesomes, she can't be a long-term relationship.