What to look out for in a relationship?
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Hi all,
I would need advises from all guys and gers.
I am attached, but somehow I do feel that I am treated like shit by my ger. Worst, she claimed that she treated me really like shit. She would just bring up the idea of breaking up as and when she likes. I feel hurt whenever she said this through sms. I feel that I am the one who is saving this relationship, but not her. I may be wrong, and I am not sure.
She can get angry for small issues, which I have to tolerate it. I do reflection on myself, is the problem lies with me or she is not my league?
Please advise. Feel free to ask me for details.
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If both party cannot satisy each other, best seperate, lessen the pain. What things she cannot tolerate and get angry ?
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u dont go into a relationship to get mindfarked.
maybe its just me,
but i dont like to see constant threats to break up.
and hor,
she already admitted shes treating u like shit,
if she shows no attempt to change,
i suggest u move on.
dump her before she does.
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How she treat you like shit?
If your girlfriend can treat you without any respect, then I think you should stop going out with her. Hanging around abusive people, mentally or physically is a huge no-no. Especially when she is your partner.
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If both party cannot satisy each other, best seperate, lessen the pain. What things she cannot tolerate and get angry ?
There is a quite a few to be mentioned.
1) Didn't say enough "I love you"
2) Didn't pick up her call immediately
3) Didn't reply her sms immediately
4) Impatient when explaining issues to me which I don't understand
5) Didn't follow what she says; I must believe in what she believes
Thanks for your advise TTFU.
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Some girls are like that. They need constant attention, they need their partner to pay attention to them 24/7. If you can meet her demands, good. If cant, quarrels everyday. As a guy, judge for yourself. How much this girl loves you. How much are you willing to compromise.
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Perhaps she just being emotional and passed such a remark. I don't and I am not sure, therefore I wouldn't make any judgement. However, I want to continue this relationship, the resistance is too great for me.
I don't know whether did she show much respect to me? I'm an easy going guy, therefore I will not take too many things into account. I'm a very simple guy with no expectations, but she is a complicated ger with demanding expectations.
TTFU,
I can't meet her demands, I have been trying very hard. Is it because i CMI or her expectations are far way too demanding already.
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I don't even know why she's with you when she's obviously that unhappy.
Thrash things out with her and get her to reflect on all the hurtful things she's done to you.
If she refuses...then by all means dump her.
Why stay in an unhappy relationship?
Couples are supposed to enjoy their time together!
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Originally posted by Zoukiehornikie:
I don't know whether did she show much respect to me? I'm an easy going guy, therefore I will not take too many things into account. I'm a very simple guy with no expectations, but she is a complicated ger with demanding expectations.
Why not sit down with her and have a good talk? If you feel that you can't talk to her face to face about this issue because you don't know how to bring up, or you fear that your feelings will betray you and accept whatever she says without really feeling that way. Then the best way would be through email.
Send her an email. And get her to reply through there. Not by call or sms. This way, whatever that she reply, at least you got time to think how are you going to best reply her. Also, in your email, ask her how she feels about you, and whether does she a future with you? Write in what you are unhappy about and put in some suggestions that could help those negative feelings in you subside.
Both of you should compromise. Don't expect her to change for you though. Sometimes its just their character. You love that girl, you got to love some of her character too. =)
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Originally posted by Zoukiehornikie:
There is a quite a few to be mentioned.
1) Didn't say enough "I love you"
2) Didn't pick up her call immediately
3) Didn't reply her sms immediately
4) Impatient when explaining issues to me which I don't understand
5) Didn't follow what she says; I must believe in what she believes
Thanks for your advise TTFU.
Her behaviour and expectations are immature, period.
My advice? RUN LIKE HELL.
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She did mentioned before that her feelings are fading, but she don't bear to leave me like that. She was confused whether is it her feelings or her guilt is making her stay.
She knows she have done wrong, however issues will be constantly brought up against me on what I have done and I have said. I give in to her despite at times it is my negliance as a bf and just not to make things worst.
I do admit my temper is not really good either. During one of the quarrels, I shouted at her on the phone. I feel very guilty after that.
I assume that you are speaking on the point of view as a ger(looking at your nick.haha.). I need to understand from a ger's point of view. Thanks.
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Originally posted by Zoukiehornikie:
She did mentioned before that her feelings are fading, but she don't bear to leave me like that. She was confused whether is it her feelings or her guilt is making her stay.
She knows she have done wrong, however issues will be constantly brought up against me on what I have done and I have said. I give in to her despite at times it is my negliance as a bf and just not to make things worst.
I do admit my temper is not really good either. During one of the quarrels, I shouted at her on the phone. I feel very guilty after that.
I assume that you are speaking on the point of view as a ger(looking at your nick.haha.). I need to understand from a ger's point of view. Thanks.
Hmmm maybe you guys should consider a time out.
Try not to see each other for a period of time and cool off.
Then decide if you all wanna continue.
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I will heed your advise. However, I am afraid that the relationship will turn sour. I do compromise a lot. However, based on my character, I don't like to compromise for things, unless necessary. I never tell her about this, afraid might hurt her in a way. Eventually, I do compromise. Maybe, both our personality are too strong headed.
Haha. good one. Thanks. Especially during pre-period and period is really quite bad.
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This dramas obviously cannot keep happening. Next time when quarrel, just leave her alone. If she really love you, she will stay, if no, then okay.
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looks like you're being played...
really...
she has admitted that she treats you like shit...
so you want to continue this death spiral, it's your decision to make
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And oh ya, Nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai. True theory.
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Originally posted by TTFU:
And oh ya, Nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai. True theory.
Seems like the opposite has happened in this case
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Originally posted by Zoukiehornikie:
I will heed your advise. However, I am afraid that the relationship will turn sour. I do compromise a lot. However, based on my character, I don't like to compromise for things, unless necessary. I never tell her about this, afraid might hurt her in a way. Eventually, I do compromise. Maybe, both our personality are too strong headed.
Haha. I feel that you are a bit like me in terms of character and thinking. Don't worry. Usually when face with such a situation, I will always tell myself, if I'm meant to be with her, she will know how to reply. At least when she reply, I will know whether she is true to me or not. And for those emails I sent, it prove me right that I'm correct in choosing her. =D
Anyway, back to you, its a good time to know how she feels about you. If things do turn sour, at least you know she is not serious. And you must get her to make the decision whether she wants to continue with you or not. If she reply you saying she don't know, guilty. . All these crap. Then please just shoot her back and say, stop being unfair to me, yes or no?
If she say no, then okay lor. If she say yes, please work out with her on how to mend the relationship. Nothing is impossible if the 2 of you are willing to work together. =)
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Is it better off to be in this way? I'm afraid it might cool off forever. At times, I am very confused with myself. Based on personality, it tells me that I should not waste my time on her anymore. However, I still do things following my heart. Therefore, that's the contradicting part.
TTFU,
I will heed your advise then. haha. nice on your true theory. Please define on that?
Maybe I'm just want to be nice, I am not sure.
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Originally posted by TTFU:
And oh ya, Nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai. True theory.
that's a pile of crap actually..a woman goes after a "bad man" thinking she can change him...
if he changes, she'll leave him crying bitterly that he's not the man she fell in love with
if he doesn't change, she'll leave him crying bitterly that he doesn't love her enough to change..
either way, the women who think that way... are like moths attracted to the candle.. and eventually, the candle will singe the moth
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Originally posted by Zoukiehornikie:
Is it better off to be in this way? I'm afraid it might cool off forever. At times, I am very confused with myself. Based on personality, it tells me that I should not waste my time on her anymore. However, I still do things following my heart. Therefore, that's the contradicting part.
TTFU,
I will heed your advise then. haha. nice on your true theory. Please define on that?
Maybe I'm just want to be nice, I am not sure.
you're not being nice.. you're being an idiot...
martyrdom doesn't exist in relationships.. in real relationships, partners support each other, and protect each other.. not purposely hurt each other
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Originally posted by the Bear:
you're not being nice.. you're being an idiot...
martyrdom doesn't exist in relationships.. in real relationships, partners support each other, and protect each other.. not purposely hurt each other
Or blackmail each other with break-up threats.
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Dear threadstarter, The high resistance that is forcing u to still be with her may be due to the fact that you are too used to having her by your side? Talk things out. She may say all those bullshit such as admitting she's treated u bad and that you deserve better and stuff, but if she realli loves you, she can't bear to let you leave. It's kinda like a fiend's grip, if you know what I mean. Cheers
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Originally posted by Zoukiehornikie:
Is it better off to be in this way? I'm afraid it might cool off forever. At times, I am very confused with myself. Based on personality, it tells me that I should not waste my time on her anymore. However, I still do things following my heart. Therefore, that's the contradicting part.
TTFU,
I will heed your advise then. haha. nice on your true theory. Please define on that?
Maybe I'm just want to be nice, I am not sure.
I dunnoDo you really love her tts y ur still trying to salvage the relationship...or are you staying on becoz you're used to her presence?
If it's the latter then I'd recommend that you break out of your comfort zone and leave her. A relationship with no love would probably be torturous to both parties. Might as well break it off early.
Find someone who wun hiam you...either that or improve yourself so that better women out there would be attracted to u.
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Great advise on that! I shall do that on the next quarrel?
I will take note on martyrdom doesn't exist. :)